Hellllllo Saturday night.
I just spent two hours of my life watching the Lifetime Television for Women movie based on the life of Anna Nicole Smith and needless to say my mind is numb. It was awful in that campy Lifetime Television for Women kind of way, but the really scary part is how I have seen so many of the E! True Hollywood Story type documentaries on her life that I could point out what in the movie was fact and what was fiction.
Loser, party of one.
If you have noticed, I didn’t blog at all this week. I can give you some long ass explanation about how I didn’t want to add any content until the new website launches (which is VERY SOON…and trust me, it is going to be SO bad ass…more about that later) but the truth is I just wasn’t feeling it. I haven’t been “feeling” music is a long, long time. I go thru spells where all I want to do is find, listen and write about new music…whether it is in my opinion “good” or super shitty…but I have kinda lost that loving feeling. I think that might be because since US 105 cut all of our Texas/Red Dirt programming, I had my spirit broken a little bit. I blame those stupid ass Boyz ‘Round Here and Redneck Crazy bullshit songs I have to listen to 8 times an hour, but I should really just blame my newly discovered “don’t they know who I am” attitude problem. WHERE IN THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM? That is SO not me. I have never been “that girl”. If anything, I have always been the poster child for selling myself short. I think I have developed a giant chip on my shoulder because I am just afraid of being fucked over, both professionally, financially and personally, because that seemed to be the pattern as of late. I think there is a fine line between valuing yourself and what you have to offer and being a paranoid conspiracy theorist. I am not sure on which side of the line I am on from minute to minute.
I won’t say that I have lost my way exactly, but I have misplaced it. I ain’t bitching. I KNOW frequent change and instability is the nature of the radio beast and I still get to do my daily “Texas Two Step” but I live, breath, eat, sleep and shit “our” music and I had gotten to the point of not even wanting to go and see live shows much less having to write about it. That is a feeling I had never felt before and it has completely mind fucked me. Picking up my computer OR my camera felt like yet another fucking thing on my “to do” list…right after try not suck and embarrass myself on the radio, sell this house, buy a new house, move away from my momma, lose 15 pounds, make a dental appointment for the first time in a decade, be a better wife, sleep and not let anyone down, etc, etc, blah blah blah, boo hoo hoo. I know, I know…cry me a river. That is just life, right?
Please note how I went from present tense to past tense…because I am slowly coming out of my funk. What can I say? I am a crazy, moody unfocused bitch. It is part of my charm.
Now to the less depressing part…
I have been getting to see screenshots of the almost final product of the “Rita Revamp’d” website and I am getting excited! This website in general (all three versions that includes countless dollars spent and oceans of tears) has been SLOW as hell and a painfully frustrating process, especially for someone like me that tends to have an itty, bitty problem with control, but finally getting it done and done correctly has made me so damned proud. It has completely re-inspired me and I can’t wait to show everyone!
If it takes another week or another month or another year until it is up and running, I can’t exactly tell you because I can’t seem to communicate effectively with “Team Revamp”. They are way too smart and serious for me and use too many fancy computer words just to get me to nod and shut up, but I trust them. I PROMISE it is coming!
Or it better be…because I got some music to share and some shit to say about it!