What is up people? I know you are here because I can see you, but you don’t seem to be reading these Troubadour, Tx recaps anymore. You are reading everything else. Am I lame? Are y’all just over it? Should I just blow them off? Hmmm…I dunno, but I guess I can at least give it one more shot. I want to stay around long enough to make fun of Michaelis because I liked their song on the intro video.
I also liked Muffy’s poncho. I recently got a poncho to wear to Steamboat. It is hella cute, but I am not quite sure I can pull it off quite like a Michelob sister. I don’t think I will be able to wear my poncho over my blue jean underwear without chaffing either.
I have purposely NOT watched this episode because I didn’t want to be distracted with some of the stuff I have been busy with lately, but I think I have successfully pissed everyone off this week and was able to find some alone time to spend with Uncle Stacey, Zane Williams and Wade Bowen.
Let’s do this.
It is impressive or sad that I have Uncle Stacey’s entire “hotbed” introduction soliloquy committed to memory? Don’t answer that. I am skipping over mentioning the immediate intro clips, because we are going to see them all again 2-3 more times before this 22 minutes is over.
We start tonight with Dream Chaser, Zane Williams. You might remember Zane from the first episode of this season or from last season. Zane is the guy the Pablo in the “Pablo and Maria” song. He is also Buck’s Daddy and he spends a great deal of him time in his backyard storage shed. For some reason it doesn’t matter how many often I mention Zane’s shed, I giggle to myself every single time.
One of the biggest myths of the music business is about how artists become an “overnight success” but apparently most of the time when it happens it looks like multiple clips of Zane playing guitar. Hey, that is what USDC said so it has to be true! While we watch Zane load in and out his equipment, take a guitar lesson, play at Baskins and drink a Dos Equis, we are treated to his timely and charming little ditty, “Overnight Success”.
Zane isn’t exactly an “overnight success” because he has been on “step one” of the steps he mentioned in his song for about 14 years. He spent a few years in Nashville and even had a “pretty big cut” on a Jason Michael Carroll album. I know you remember Jason Michael Carroll. He is the long-haired guy that sang that gut wrenching song “Alyssa Lies” about the little girl who was being abused. That song makes every single Martina McBride domestic violence/cancer song feel like Donna Fargo’s “Happiest Girl in the Whole USA”. (“Concrete Angel” what? “Independence Day” who?) Zane didn’t write the Alyssa song, but he wrote another happy tune called “Hurry Home”.
Here is JMC talking about the song and not mentioning Zane wrote it:
Dang. I’m sad now. I like it better when Zane sings about all the 99 beers bottles.
Enough of that depressing shit…Zane moved to McKinney, Texas and started playing gigs close to home so he could be a good daddy and husband. Zane loves touring, he just hates being away from his family. He is just trying to find something magic.
Did anyone else notice that Zane’s Man-Shanty is handicap accessible? See the Handrail/Grab Bar? I used to do ADA inspections and I automatically notice things like that. I promise I haven’t been studying Zane’s video, because that is just creepy. Oh, and speaking of creepy…the editorial director of Billboard aka “Billboard Bill” told me I was creepy yesterday. I am fairly certain he wasn’t kidding either. I am getting a business card just so I can have “Bill Werde, Editorial Director of Billboard thinks I’m creepy” printed on it. That is some rockstar shit right there people. I’m gonna own that. The word on the street is “creepy” is the new “fascinating”.
Look who it is everyone! It is the dream living, magic finding Wade Bowen. Yes in dee-deey, USDC tells us that Wade has found some of that magic. Wade is one of the biggest names in Texas Country and he tours full time and plays to sold out crowds. Wade briefly tells us that he is having a blast and the owner of the now closed Rio Brazos Texas Music Hall Jim Harman explains that everyone in the surrounding counties have been wanting them to book a Wade Bowen show and they finally did.
I am not even going to go for the “How’d that work out for ya” joke right now. That is too easy.
Uncle Stacey tells us that Wade is playing the “Texas Hill Country” and he is gone for up to a month at a time. Touring is work, but that is the life Wade has chosen. I don’t want to tell USDC that Hood County isn’t considered the “Hill Country”, but that would just make me look like a critical bitch. I don’t blame him because honestly how many New Mexicans even know Texas has a Hill Country and besides I have been spelling his name incorrectly for about 18 episodes now and I don’t to throw any stones in my glass house. Hmm….maybe I can get a glass storage shed for my backyard.
Being a touring song writing/singing dude has been the goal Wade set for himself and a dream that he has had forever. Wade loves his job, but hates rumors. Living the dream is dreamy and all, but it is still work. It isn’t just about grabbing a guitar and jumping on stage…it is WAY beyond that. No one wants to call dream living a “job” but that is what it is…a job. A good job. A damn good job. A damn good dream.
Sidenote: I am buying into all of this stuff, but I have to call bullshit on one thing. I have seen Wade Bowen a time or two hundred in my day and I have never seen Wade so naked! Where is all of his accessories? One necklace? A bracelet? Wade is usually good for no less than 6 pieces of manewelry. Where is all of his flair???
And back to Zane…
Damn. I think the Troubadour, Tx people have more damn video of Zane than they have of the entire cast put together. They must have followed him around for a year. Before the commercial break we see an entire montage of Zane singing his song “High Hopes and Low Expectations”.
When we return from the commercial break we rehash Zane’s “Overnight Success” song again and catch a few more clips of programming from the All Zane All The Time television network before we learn that Zane is holding auditions for new band members in his backyard bungalow. Zane loves his band, but he needs musicians that are ready and willing to hit the road.
I really hope Zane hires the chick player because how pretty is her fiddle? Besides, there needs to be another girl on the road with Zane other than Kylie Rae Harris.
And….that’s it. Sadly, there is much, much more but for some reason I just can’t seem to finish these things. I think I might have ADD or maybe the show is just boring or too hard to shit talk. Either way, I have much more to write about in this episode but I get behind and another episode airs and then y’all lose interest. I am not sure about the fate of my Troubadour, Tx recaps at this point. They never Tweet me back anymore and I have very tender Social Media feelings.
Anywhoo. Fuck it. I write when I want and when I feel like it as it is now. No pressure.
For the rest of the episode, we learn about some of Wade’s band issues and watch him play golf. Zane plays Gruene Hall…which is essentially what we learned in this season’s first episode.