Rita Ballou’s Diesel Sniffing for Dummies–Chapter One

dopple

Happy Monday!

I have been trying to write my Diesel Sniffer blog for about a week. Every time I typed something up, it made me sound like a bitter old jealous hag. Wait…that’s what I am, but the blogs just sounded so bitchy and that really isn’t the intent. I would like to think of it as an educational blog entry, like Beware of the Man Fan. The pressure to top that one is pretty intense and I am not sure I can do it so I am taking a whole new approach on the subject of Diesel Sniffers.

In the words of my homegirl Miranda Lambert, I don’t have to be hateful, I can just say bless your heart. Sidenote…I love me some Miranda, but I am just a tad bit afraid she might be one bag of Peanut M&M’s away from being Trisha Yearwood. She might need to lay off the carbs a little bit. Just sayin.

Groupies, Groupies, Groupies. They have been around since the dawn of time and are just a way of life for musicians, even shitty ugly ones. Hell, to get random cooch is probably why these guys even picked up a guitar in the first place. I googled and it looks like Wikipedia defines a groupie as:

A person who seeks emotional and sexual intimacy with a musician.

Yup, that pretty much sums it up!

They aren’t there to listen to the music, they aren’t there to support the band, and they aren’t there to have a good time out with their friends. They are there to fuck someone in the band. Period.

Groupie schmoppies! We have always called these chicks Diesel Sniffers because at the end of a concert instead of getting their picture made with the band, buying a teeshirt, and going the hell home, they are always out by the bus sniffing around. (The unleaded sniffer is a country cousin to the diesel sniffer. They are the girls that are stalking the econline vans…but for the most part, they are the same.)

Instead of judging these little slutty ass cum dumpsters so harshly, I think I should do my best to use this blog to help them. (Was saying little slutty ass cum dumpster too judgemental?) Everyone has to have a goal and I think it should be my duty to assist them in reaching their goals. I am going to try and use my newly found powers for good and not evil. See, and you people thought that I was mean and rude! Rita is only here to help!

I am a firm believer in the theory that if you are going to do something, do it right! I am going to break this down for you tramps…errr, I mean ladies and do it in sections so you don’t miss out on anything. Lookie here you silly girls, never forget your goal! It is your goal to screw someone no matter how many times you tell yourself you are there for the music, don’t bother with lying to yourself. Own it.

Rita Ballou’s Diesel Sniffing for Dummies

Chapter One—Proper DS Presentation

Appearance is important.

Look ladies, let’s be honest. If you are gonna get some action you are going to have to look your best. It is very important to dress to impress, and not only to just look cute, but to make sure that you stand out from the crowd. Nothing works better than showing some skin, lots and lots of skin. Oh, and don’t worry about it if someone could play Chinese checkers on the hail damage on the back of your legs, that doesn’t really matter to the guys anyway! Just squeeze that ass into your shortest tightest denim skirt or your favorite white see through Rue 21 sundress. That’s the reason why they keep the bar dark. And it really doesn’t matter if it is 37 degrees in January, I promise. The only downfall to this is later in the night your knees might get a little buscarpet burn, but sometimes you just have to take one for the DS team. Don’t forget, that guy on stage REALLY likes and totally respects you!

Do not forget your accessories!

Think bling, lots of bling! This is sure to get the band’s attention because the reflection off of your fake Kippy/BB Simon belt will cause sudden blindness when the light hits it and that should cause the guitar player to suddenly look down at you. Once you have eye contact, everything is pretty much downhill from there. Do not forget your bracelets, lots of hard plastic blingy bracelets….no less than 6 on each arm, at a minimum. Also, big gigantic crosses necklaces full of plastic rhinestones that are bigger than the cross on the wall of the Vatican are good too. Haven’t you heard the Wade Bowen song Trouble? He wrote that about YOU! You have to have a cross on a chain swinging above your heart, and it should be as big as the real cross Jesus was nailed to, only cuter and shinier. There is no such thing as over bling blinging…except with an engagement or wedding ring. Leave that shit at home. Don’t forget, that guy on stage REALLY likes and totally respects you!

Bigger the hair, the closer to the band Gods.

Big hair is a must! Bump It Up Bitches! If you don’t know how to backcomb, spray and pin up your bangs with 17 bobby pins than you HAVE to invest in a Bump It. This serves a dual purpose. This hairstyle isn’t necessarily attractive but more of strategic move. This monster hair poof is key in making sure that the band cannot see any other attractive girls behind you that might be competition for your red plastic solo cup full of booze you could receive as a parting gift later on the bus. And if the ugly bitches behind you can’t see over your head, the band can’t see them! It is a win/win.

If you have the funds and really want to bring your A-game, scadaddle on down to the Sally’s Hair Supply and invest in some hair extensions. There is no way you are going to look like a cockerspaniel. It doesn’t really matter if it looks so ridiculously fake and you can tell totally that you had some polyester hair sewed in, seriously it doesn’t. No one will be able to tell. The only downfall here is spooge is a bitch to get out of weave. You might have to use a Palmolive Pine Sol mixture and maybe shampoo that shit three times, but if a ratted possum’s nest underneath your real hair makes you feel confident enough to go knock on a bus door, I say do it girlfriend! Don’t forget, that guy on stage REALLY likes and totally respects you!

Titties, you must show off those titties!

You not only have to strap on your sluttiest, most revealing outfit and let all your tattoos and pierced body parts show, but you MUST have your tits hanging out. Get a Wonderbra, push them up, squish them together anything you can do to them, do it! Above all else, THEY have to be showing. Consider those titties your very own laminated backstage pass. It really doesn’t matter if your 2 inch thick back fat roll is showing under your Deb $8 polyblend spandex halter top because if those puppies are pushed up and out, the guys will never get around to looking at your back anyway.

Tits are your Golden Ticket. Without those boobs on display you are going to end up being “that girl” that is trolling the dance floor at 1:45 am looking for the drunkest Man Fan left at the bar to take you to Whataburger and buy you a taquito. Who wants to be in line at Whataburger with a Man Fan when you totally deserve to be smoking out in the back of the bus lounge with the rockstars? Don’t forget, that guy on stage REALLY likes and totally respects you!

Once we have master these little things, tomorrow we will move on to Chapter Two–Panty Row Behavior.

Hope everyone has a super Monday…and I leave you with a little gift I received from the boys of Phi Delta Theta that made me smile all weekend.

My Puddin’ Pop Josh Abbott and Eric Theodore Cartman.

We had an interesting visitor come by Ritaville and because of his visit I will award him the “Comment of the Day”…

Smelly Braun Boy said…
I gotta admit you get some pretty funny banter on here.
Are you a little rude? sure but if you were always nice this wouldn’t be nearly as amusing.

Giggle, blush, giggle…I am so excited, I wonder which one it was?!?!? So super duper excited that he gets me!

Have a great day!

188 Comments

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Anonymous

    Oh my God! He killed Kenny!

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Anonymous

    Pure gold.

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    kayell

    genius on the cartman thing.

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Anonymous

    Love it!!!

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Happy Drunk Gherm

    I love, love this blog and this one in particular should be published into a handbook handed out at every venue at the front door.

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Two cats, a dog, and their girl

    "Don’t forget, that guy on stage REALLY likes and totally respects you!"
    Great mantra!

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Anonymous

    …..and don't forget you're the ONLY girl he does this with!!!

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    PearlSnapMan

    It's all true, Rita. Nice job!

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Missy

    OMG this was so damn funny I just snorted out coffee out my nose. Law suit!!!

    Just kidding. Keep up the great work!

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    KateMay

    Ha ha Love it! Very well said Rita…. And to think that these Diesel Sniffers really think that they are the only ones! Do they not know that they have a new girlfriend in every town?! And possibly a "real" girlfriend at home?!! I've even heard of the girls "getting their heart broken" by these guys and crying over them! hahaha Surely, they had to know… Please their little hearts :)

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    KateMay

    *Bless

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Anonymous

    Cartman…nice…I was thinking with the porn stash that he is sporting there, he was going for the Super Trooper look. Team RamRod

    http://i233.photobucket.com/albums/ee185/sizzlemcsiz/RodFarva.jpg

    "Hey Farva, what's that little restaurant with all the goofy shit all over the walls?"

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Anonymous

    haha wow you so just described a girl I know (dont care for her but know her) maybe Ill give her this self help book for her half birthday or something keep it up rita you make me laugh all day long!

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Anonymous

    Jealous bitch party of one. Maybe spend less time making fun of talented artist on this dumb blog no one reads and more time at the gym you could hang backstage with me and my girls. Nobody gives a rats ass about what you think. Go home to your kids bitch.

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Missy

    I just posted about this post on my blog! http://yankeegirl-missysblog.blogspot.com/2010/03/blog-post.html

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Anonymous

    anon….1:26pm….step one is admitting you have a problem…:)

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Anonymous

    How many times does rita have say if u don't like her shit then click the x in the corner good grief and that is sad u admitted to being a diesel sniffer all on your own

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Anonymous

    Blinged out cami when it's 26 degrees at Gruene Hall – $19.99
    Pre-show shots – $21.00
    Desperation so palpable the drummer can smell it on your breath from the drum kit – PRICELESS!

    Diesel Sniffers keep it interesting for the rest of us!

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    big breasted tshirt guy

    I agree on the titties part.

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Diesel Fumes Makes Me Sick

    To Anon 1:26pm.:

    Yeah, Damn all the comments from all the people not reading Rita's blog. Tell us what town you're in and I'm POSITIVE we could name you and all of your Diesel Sniffing girls. Don't get defensive because you're guilty of Sniffing some Diesel for a drink and free trip to the back of the bus. Rita's just trying to give directons on how to become a ho like yourself, but Maybe you should be the one giving tips…

    If it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck… she sniffs Diesel.

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Anonymous

    Hahaha- How can you really say no one reads this blog when it's clear your ass sure does!!
    Your anger sounds familier…You bitter party of one?

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    kayell

    I once had a diesel sniffer tell me that she was a certain fiddlers girlfriend. however, she didnt know that i knew who his real girlfriend was. fakeass ho kept trying to push her way up front. she tossed out the fatty names, etc. I believe I turned around and called her a plastic, lop sided boob job of a barbie doll woman, and held my ground. she said the exact same thing to me that ole DS up there said.. "if you were nicer to me, you could hang out backstage with me and the band." Newsflash hobaggages. If I wanted to be back there, I'd be back there ;)

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    bandaid

    But…But…I'm special! I'm going to change him! One blow job from me, and he'll never look at another giant, sparkly cross pendant again. I'm the one!!1!eleven

    • Reply April 13, 2011

      Mellie

      OCAepL Good point. I hadn’t thought about it quite that way. :)

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Hugnkiss

    Wow, I love the no one reads your blog post. This groupie is CLEARLY brilliant!

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Anonymous

    I just sniff the diesel…I don't inhale. Does that mean I won't get crabs?

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Anonymous

    Not all cute girls are there to sleep with the band. Boys will be boys and I think it's flattering to be asked to party with the band. How is that our fault? My friends and I love to party and it's not our fault they take our numbers! If you don't trust your man maybe you should go to all the shows and babysit him.

    Jealous much?

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Anonymous

    Maybe if you spent more time in your "reading comprehension" class, and less time trying to "party" with the band you would be able to follow the blog a little better. No one is jealous of you. We laugh at you.

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Nicole

    To Anon 1:26 p.m.:

    You're reading aren't you? Why don't you and your daddy issues just click the x if you don't like what you see? The diesel has shot all your brain cells maybe? That is, however, what makes you perfect diesel material-you are actually too stupid to realize there are one of you at every venue. You actually think that standing behind a curtain at the Arbuckle Ballroom is going to complete your life. Keep sniffing the diesel honey, to those guys-the dumber the better.

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    krs10

    Yeah, this gave me a giggle.

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Anonymous

    Rita you need to go back to when your blogs were juicy, I want to here all the good rumours!! And don't be afraid to be mean. We love you!!!

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Reg

    Anonymous 3:06…
    You think its flattering that they think your a ho? Tsk Tsk.

    I agree I know some really cute girls that come to the shows not to sleep with the band. But they also carry an air of respect for themselfs that they don't fall into the DS category.

    It's so obvious it wouldn't matter what you wore or what you looked like.. A ho is a ho is a ho.

    Daddy always said you can't make a sow's ear into a silk purse.

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Bad Apple

    I had a friend that turned into a full fledged sniffer. She referred to the ugly guy in the band as the "untapped resource" for a bus invite. Couldn't even enjoy the damn show because of the constant strategizing. Ditching her was the best thing I ever did. Now I can enjoy the show and after it's over, I can go home. Now if I can just get my other friend to divorce her man fan of a husband!

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Reg

    LOL Bad Apple … Man Fans are kinda cute for us Ladies to watch tho!

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Anonymous

    I like juicy gossip too but this was so damn funny. Now I know why Bump Its were invented. There is gossip then there is slander.

    The real sign of a sniffer is does Hunter have her picture posted on MySpace. Ding ding ding.

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Reg

    Dammit, I just thought about something.. Does this mean I can't wear my bumpit anymore?!?! Hell, I could never get them to work right as it was. If it does maybe it won't be too much of a loss for me.

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    krs10

    Gina, reason number 86525 that I never bought a Bumpit.

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    kayell

    reg if i ever see you in a bumpit, i will no ma'am you very loudly and then unbump your hair.

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Rita Ballou

    Ok, I have a confession. I have worn a bump it. It was just once and I looked NOTHING like the girls in the commercials. And the thing fell out in the bar. It was bad.

    I would LOVE some more juicy gossip, but I can only post what I can confirm…please feel free to send me any tips to investigate for you!

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Anonymous

    "The real sign of a sniffer is does Hunter have her picture posted on MySpace. Ding ding ding."

    Bwwwaaaahhahhahahahahhahahahahhaaaaaa….

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    krs10

    did you buy the snuggie for dogs too?

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Rita Ballou

    Nope, no snuggies but I have a Ped Egg!

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Always That Girl

    "Without those boobs on display you are going to end up being "that girl" that is trolling the dance floor at 1:45 am looking for the drunkest Man Fan left at the bar to take you to Whataburger and buy you a taquito."

    Wait, I have my boobs out and I am always THAT GIRL at Whatburger or in the Jack in the Box drive thru with the 99cent tacos. Damn, I need chapter two. Help me Rita, help help me Rita.

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    krs10

    Ped Eggs are just awesome. And I'm ready for Chapter 2 as well.

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Reg

    Well hell, like I said I never could get the dang bump it to work right.

    lol Kl, I don't get no ma'am'd by you much but I think I would listen.

    and …

    I bought our lil Zoey a snuggie and she LOVES it!!!!! Hopefully Lisa isn't reading this lol.

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Bad Apple

    Seriously Rita? You expect us to believe you have a bumpit and a ped egg but no snuggie? I'm guessing not only do you have snuggies for your dogs but I'm betting you sit around in a zebra print one yourself. And I bet you've got a jar of Nads hair remover too.

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    big bumpit tshirt guy

    Folks, it's simply supply and demand. Where there is a demand, there will be supply and vice versa.

    Whores can smell whores.

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Reg

    Unfortunately so can the rest of us (shivers)

  • Reply March 15, 2010

    Anonymous

    Like OMG YALLLL – don't you know they ALL fall in love like in Crazy Heart!

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Anonymous

    "im willing to bet my bad liver that the Anonymous Sniffer who thinks shes a badass is a bleach blonde girl from KORA with the bad refund gap."

    HAHA, love this, does that name start with a K?
    shes a blast to watch, i wonder how many times she had collagen in her lips?

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Anonymous

    Am I the only one still laughing at the Miranda joke?

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    DEMANDER

    Monty is right, supply snd demand.

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Anonymous

    "im willing to bet my bad liver that the Anonymous Sniffer who thinks shes a badass is a bleach blonde girl from KORA with the bad refund gap."

    "HAHA, love this, does that name start with a K?
    shes a blast to watch, i wonder how many times she had collagen in her lips?"

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! She is RIDICULOUS!!!! She's Hunter's BFF. But it's a tie about who is more entertaining to watch…K or Lorrie from KORA. I mean uh…Lucy Diamond…

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Rita Ballou

    What the heck in KORA? GW secret code again?

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Anonymous

    A radio station in College Station that employs full time Diesel Sniffers.

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Anonymous

    Know her well. Her and her cocker spaniel hair.

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Claire Cunningham

    Diesel sniffers…haha. Never called 'em that before. Awesome. You forgot jean skirts…all diesel sniffers wear jean skirts.

    Rita ain't no lonely girl in the shadows at the shows; she's a wise old owl that's been around a while.

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Rita Ballou

    No, I covered the Jean skirts up there.

    Hoot hoot

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Claire Cunningham

    Oh damn, I see now. Shame on me for skimming through what has seemed to be the broken record diatribe of the past 8 years of my life! ;-)

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Anonymous

    Hey Rita! A girl we know wrote this story! Sounds like a bunch of DS's to me!!!

    This bunch of SPEAKER BOX WHORES…literally PUSHED themselves ALL THE WAY TO THE FRONT….knocking people over, being obnoxious drunken bitches. I will admit, they had on really cute costumes….they had on "Girls Gone Wild" tee shirts….with bathing suit bottoms and shorty shorts….but, they were constantly lifting their shirts…at first I was like…WHOA…but when I looked closer I noticed they had on Red tube tops with CENSORED written across their boobs….BUT….I mean, its not just that I had been standing on my Mashed Potato feet for an hour waiting for the RRB…but these college boys live and breath this music and they lost their FRONT ROW cause of these bitches.

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    krs10

    Look at the back to of the Snuggie for dogs box. Seriously.

    And no I don't own one. Don't have a dog until we move.

    And when the whores push you push em back.

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Anonymous

    This bunch of SPEAKER BOX WHORES…literally PUSHED themselves ALL THE WAY TO THE FRONT….knocking people over, being obnoxious drunken bitches. I will admit, they had on really cute costumes….they had on "Girls Gone Wild" tee shirts….with bathing suit bottoms and shorty shorts….but, they were constantly lifting their shirts…at first I was like…WHOA…but when I looked closer I noticed they had on Red tube tops with CENSORED written across their boobs….BUT….I mean, its not just that I had been standing on my Mashed Potato feet for an hour waiting for the RRB…but these college boys live and breath this music and they lost their FRONT ROW cause of these bitches.

    this was me and my friends! we were total diesel sniffers that night! HAHA. we were thinking that the girl that wrote that, christy with a camera was Rita?!?! they write alike! but we live it!!!

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Actual Fan

    Anyone think its odd that the girls that nickname themselves "The Front Row Queens" are usually HUGE. I wonder if they call themselves that because they take up most of it? I went to a show and this chick was standing by the tshirt table booth saying she was the front row bitch or something. I couldn't help but laugh. That bitch was huge!

    I don't mind looking at the cute diesel sniffers. It's a lot better than the fat chicks with triple chins running around the Wade Bowen, Micky and the Motorcars and RRB shows! Someone please tell those chicks to chill the hell out! By the way Lane Bryant called they want their size 26 halter top back. Does anyone go to the shows anymore to actually watch the music and talent?

    • Reply March 30, 2011

      QUEENS MY ASS!

      oh the fat bitches, the infamous front row queens that spend more time at the merch table trying to look like they are somebody rather than actually watching the show. Should of seen them at a show one time when the biggest ugliest one of all time lifted her arms and had big white chunks of something or another hanging off of her pits, a vision I could have totally went the rest of my life without witnessing. Im going to go puke now, carry on.

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Anonymous

    You are admitting to running around a bar at a concert lifting your shirts and flashing people? That makes you proud? Ruining an entire concert for a group of people is fun for you? It's bitches like you that I just buy cd's and a 6 pack and stay home. Stupid bitches.

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Really?

    Maybe if that girl wrote it she has pictures of your slutty asses she can send to Rita so we can make fun of you too. Since you "live" it and all. Hope your moms are proud.

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Anonymous

    I am on pins and needles waiting for part two. I bet it has to do with pushing yourself all the way to the front and showing your tits.

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    kayell

    "It's bitches like you that I just buy cd's and a 6 pack and stay home."

    ding! That's why I dont go to as many shows as I used to.

    actual fan – big girls need love too ;)

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Anonymous

    Rita's identity is the worst kept secret in Texas. She is musiciansEXwife. Duh. Keep it up Kelly, you are awesome!

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Anonymous

    I Love that the KORA chicks got called out. Those girls were sniffing Diesel way before working there. I'm sure other "hot" radio chicks aren't THAT bad (even though there aren't many). I think Rita should take a break from the doppelgangers and do a Diesel Sniffer blog posting pics of Famous Sniffers that we all know. KORA chicks and the Ho's working at Hooters in the SA area are the one's I'm throwing out there.

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    F Radio

    Speaking of radio, Rita should do a blog on how effed up Texas Radio is. The formula for success in Texas radio is simple. Visit the stations and make all the DJs and program directors feel like you worship them. Then they will play your song. The more you visit, the higher you get on the chart. Anyone who can record a track of music can have a Texas Music Chart Topper if you just go to all the stations and shake their hand. How do you think so many of these people make the top 5, yet no one has ever heard of them or been to a show?

    They played the radio game.

    And forget about the big stations. Cumulus and Clear Channel have those on lock down. DJs and program directors have no balls anymore. They only play what corporate tells them they can play. That is why you can program an entire show. You don't even need a DJ anymore. All you need is a monkey who pushes the button you tell them to and plays the songs they are allowed.

    Not a single one of them has the nuts to champion a talented artists and help them make it, or spread the word.

    And yes, all of the chics working at radio stations are DS! They hide it a little better by calling it work, but it is obvious.

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Rita Ballou

    Morning guys. Sick kid today so I will have to catch up with ya'll later.

    Radio blog idea-check! I am putting these ideas down in my Big Chief Tablet. (Again, showing my age!)

    Thanks everyone for playing, this was a fun one and part two soon, I promise!

    And guys, pretty pretty pretty please we can hint, we can rhyme names, we can do strong inuendos, we can do initials, but the powers that be say names of no public figures are a slippery slope. Either way, keep up the good work!

    Enjoy your day.

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Anonymous

    I will not go to concerts in the College Station area because of the way some of these women behave. As a mother of young girls I hope and pray that my girls do not grow up and think this type of behavior is acceptable. I went to A&M, I went to my share of parties and I have a good time so I am not a prude. I would much rather drive to Coupland to hear music because the fans seem to be more respectful to each other. What is it about a concert that makes people feel like they can behave in this manner? Would you run up to someone at Wal-Mart and push them to try and get to the cash register? I guess it is the alcohol but that is not excuse for just being rude.

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    krs10

    I don't go to many shows either. It's just not worth it to deal with the idiots. I'll end up in jail.

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Retired Sniffer.

    At least in my day we could keep our mouths shut. This new batch of sluts run their mouths off and brag and get the guys in trouble at home. That is the first rule. Keep your mouth shut. My days of DSing was before the Internet. What happens at a gig should stay at the gig.

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Anonymous

    Retired Sniffer…you definitely speak the truth but the Sniffers today I think honestly think that that musician is in love with them and only them and they are special. It's their generation.

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Anonymous

    You know what I love the most about this blog? Us on the D list are getting more of the A list's crowd. Keep talking we love it.

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Karma's best galpal

    What I don't understand is how these young girls have no shame in breaking up marriages. Then when the guy in the band's wife dumps his ass and runs to them because he needs a place to sleep 3 days a week they act all surprised when he cheats on them with the next DS. Karma's a bitch.

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Tex69

    To F Radio:

    It's not that PD's don't have balls anymore, it's that they want to be able to support their family. I've worked for both of Clear Channel and Cumulus. If you disagree with what any of the big-wigs say, you'll be on the beach as fast as a DS is ready to blow a band.

    Most of the people who want to do GOOD radio are willing to give good music that's not being pushed nationally a chance.

    What you should be saying is "F Corporate Radio A-holes" ha

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Chuckwicksgayboyfriend

    Hey…those were my myspace Halloween blog girls! I met one at another show and she was actually nice, cute and sweet… that night they were obnoxious.

    I have to agree with Tex69. My friend is a dj in Temple and I give him crap about not playing RRB or Wade but all the music comes magically through a computer. He doesn't have a single CD in the studio and couldn't change the music if he wanted too. They advertise for concerts but can't even play the music. It's not his fault. :(

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Anonymous

    Karma's best galpal…

    "What I don't understand is how these young girls have no shame in breaking up marriages"

    I think the musicians need to take a little responsibility in breaking up their own marriages cause if you're married you might want to learn to resist diesel sniffers!

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Anonymous

    as a former 'groupie'…well now i know i wasnt really a groupie by your definition thank God…i must say you hit it all on the head with a big old hammer…i got out of there while the gettin' was good…the DS's/groupies of today are just embarrassing.

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Anonymous

    Yes, a whore is a whore. Male or female.

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    bad anonymous tshirt guy

    If you work for the man, you are the man. We all have bills to pay but look at Justin Frazell, fought the good fight for 10 years and after the Wolf's celebration of his service anniversary, canned him. Worked at Home Depot to pay his bills until he found an outlet that he could agree with and not be in a constant fight for.

    That's integrity.

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Anonymous

    "Hey…those were my myspace Halloween blog girls! I met one at another show and she was actually nice, cute and sweet… that night they were obnoxious."

    haha! Halloween was an exception to act slutty and crazy! we love christy with a camera!

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Anonymous

    Is the JAB going to be in next month's Country People Magazine?

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Rita Ballou

    Puddin? Is that you?! It better not be! I said we'd talk about it but you can't out scoop me!

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    BabyMamaDrama

    Rita, One thing!!! They have to be perky boobies… I have a rule for my baby daddy! He can only sign perky titties… if not he's in trouble cause I don't wanna hear about Long Tits McGee Hanging down to her va-jay jay…. :)

  • Reply March 16, 2010

    Chuckwicksgayboyfriend

    I have to disagree. I like my bling. But my Kippy belt is real so can I get a get out of Sniffer sterotype jail free card?

  • Reply March 17, 2010

    Anonymous

    "Rita's identity is the worst kept secret in Texas. She is musiciansEXwife. Duh. Keep it up Kelly, you are awesome!"

    Um, yeah right. Kelli "B" is in no way witty enough or creative enough to be Rita. She's a joke.

    Although I haven't heard mention of her on this blog which is a little…fishy. Word on the street that "Smelly Kelli" nickname isn't too far from the truth…

  • Reply March 17, 2010

    Tex69

    bad anonymous tshirt guy -

    I respect the hell out of Justin for doing that. There a very few other guys that would do that. Agter being in radio, it's hard to go back to being just another random person. Obviously Justin was able to start his on company and has txrdr.com.

    It's easy for someone to say "Screw that, I'm gonna stand up and play what I want to play." But when put in that situation and having to go home and explain to your wife and kids that you are now out of a job with no leads… it gets a little harder to stand up for what you believe in as much as you want to.

    I still believe that sooner or later (hopefully sooner) radio will tilt back to what it used to be and be able to do what is right and not all this corporate BS.

    When that happens, someone call me, I need a job! ha

  • Reply March 17, 2010

    mad ass tshirt guy

    Don't get me wrong, I respect those that are fighting for the independent artists, or even the artists with record deals that stay true to their music. It's just certain stations expect you to kiss their ass constantly so you can play their one festival a year and maybe get a single spun during their Sunday night hour long 'roots' show. I think my boss said it best when he told a programming director, "we've been stopping by here for 8 years and you still don't play my songs. So it's time to stop kissing or get to bed." Pretty sure they just went to bed with someone else.

    Justin fought the good fight, like MANY others have done. My gripe is the suit that dictates the programming as if he was just repeating whatever was on CMT…oh wait, they don't have music on CMT anymore.

    Anyway, love to the stations and personalities that give the independent artists their shot. And to those that just jump the wagon when it's the cool thing to do, I guess it's better to be late to the prom than miss it altogether.

  • Reply March 17, 2010

    Elisabeth D.

    Hey, "Anonymous"…no need to rip Keli.

    Find something better to do.

  • Reply March 17, 2010

    Anonymous

    Attentions groupies.

    I could not keep quiet with this one. As I will stay anonymous, to spare half of you the embarassment of revealing I have slept with you, we need to stop with the "jealous" comments. This is the classic "diesel sniffer" response when anyone approaches them about spreading their legs just a little too much. My little sweeties, no one is jealous of you. Just because you get to have a VIP sticker, come to our bus, let us feed you alcohol, and then bang the shit out of you makes you one thing and one thing only, dirt. Continue thinking we actually like you, it's funny. Those guest list nights that make your week do not cost us a dime.

    And the KORA fake girl is a WHOLE other issue. You're not fooling anyone sweetie.

  • Reply March 17, 2010

    Bad Apple

    Hey sweet ass tshirt guy, just so you know, KBLP, small mom & pop radio station in Lindsay OK plays a lot of Boland tunes. I don't get that station where I live but I tune in when I go to my sisters house and I usually hear you guys.

  • Reply March 17, 2010

    Rita Ballou

    Aaron Watson, is that anyway to talk to the ladies?!

    Just kidding, just kidding. Ha, that made me laugh. But I am kinda jealous of that guest list and free booze thing. I'll admit it.

  • Reply March 17, 2010

    Anonymous

    Rita,

    Soon, with the way this blog is spreading like wild fire, I bet you find yourself at the top of every guest list. But be proud that it's because you are contributing to the scene and not carrying some drummers baby.

    The Aaron Watson thing was funny

  • Reply March 17, 2010

    fattymcfatterson.wordpress.com

    Question.

    I am married to a musician now but we met at a show.

    Are girls that marry the musicians considered Diesel Sniffers as well? (Not that there was a bus involved but you know … )

  • Reply March 17, 2010

    99

    Wow. If these young ladies bother you quit getting a babysitter.

  • Reply March 17, 2010

    Anonymous

    Women that get married to musicians are just merely the OTHER woman, no matter how hard you try and deny it

  • Reply March 17, 2010

    Anonymous

    Fatty was married when you met him?

    I can work at a radio station and get free weed, beer, and dick? And get paid? And get VIP stickers? Sign me up. What's the retirement package like?!

  • Reply March 17, 2010

    Anonymous

    I am not ripping on "Kelli"

    Her name begins with a "K" but that is not her name

    and she works for KORA :)

    she is a whole different level of groupie…

  • Reply March 17, 2010

    Elisabeth D.

    Oh. I don't really have an opinion about that, then. Carry on!

  • Reply March 17, 2010

    Anonymous

    "I am not ripping on "Kelli"

    Her name begins with a "K" but that is not her name

    and she works for KORA :)

    she is a whole different level of groupie…"

    we need to come up with a name for her…… hmm, lets call her stairs girl, because shes too good to be in the crowd.. she gets her own step near the green room.

    haha!

  • Reply March 17, 2010

    Anonymous

    "I can work at a radio station and get free weed, beer, and dick? And get paid? And get VIP stickers? Sign me up. What's the retirement package like?!"

    Screw the retirement package..they better have a badass med insurance package with unlimited amounts of penicillin.

  • Reply March 17, 2010

    Rita Ballou

    No names kids. Just say it rhymes with….

    Be nice. Well, not nice but not slanderous. Rita's blog can't be the new myspace mom that went to jail for being mean to minors. Bless their hearts.

  • Reply March 17, 2010

    Anonymous

    Begins with K and rhymes with….hmmm "bendall"

    are we talking about the same person? Hehehe she's hilarious to watch, what a joke.

    Just an opinion ;)

  • Reply March 17, 2010

    Anonymous

    She must be doing something right to have all you people obbsessed with her.

  • Reply March 17, 2010

    Anonymous

    Yeah that's her. Obsessed? Please. It's just funny if anything. Chill out. If you're gonna cry a river stop reading the blog. The DS and groupies are funny to watch sometimes.

  • Reply March 17, 2010

    Sniffer Hound

    Sometimes? ALL the time. We sit behind the soundboard and take the over/under on which ones make it back.

  • Reply March 17, 2010

    Anonymous

    Haha I stand corrected. They embarass themselves. KORA is getting a bad rep having these diesel sniffers as promo girls. They aren't there for the music or work. Not fooling anyone.

  • Reply March 17, 2010

    Anonymous

    Not every musician cheats. Just because an artist has talent doesn't mean that can keep there dick dry. They are capable of saying no. And most of you whores know which guys are taken and not…It's never really a secert.

    And for the musicians girlfriends, fiances, and wives…if you don't trust your man…you shouldn't be together. No one's perfect and we've all messed up, but you knew what you were getting into….you should know how to keep tabs on your man and have him give you the same respect back. I know mine does.

  • Reply March 17, 2010

    Anonymous

    I stand corrected…all the time is exactly right. The diesel sniffers that work for KORA are giving the station a bad rep. They want to "work" in the industry for one reason only and that is pretty damn obvious.

  • Reply March 18, 2010

    Anonymous

    If you think any musicians dick is dry besides Brandon Rhyder you are fooling yourself. And girls could care less what musicians are married and what not. Just ask the KORA girls. They like the married ones.

  • Reply March 18, 2010

    Rita Ballou

    Ok ok ok…I am the first to say you don't get to play the victim and the whore, but we get it. But, these girls can't all be to blame. The boys don't seem to mind having their Diesel's sniffed. Everyone needs to be responsible for their own actions.

  • Reply March 18, 2010

    Anonymous

    Everytime my man play's in College Station, the KORA girls never fail to amaze me. The other wives/girlfriends and I (band members included) think they are hilarious. I won't take this comment too far, but it's sad that these radio stations hire these girls that are just groupie diesel sniffers, ick. No class whatsoever.

  • Reply March 18, 2010

    bio ass tshirt guy

    Damn, I have no idea who the KORA girls even are. Of course we can't draw a conlusion in College Station so that's probably part of it.

    And Rita a question: if we switch to bio-diesel, will that only attract hippie chicks?

  • Reply March 18, 2010

    Two cats, a dog, and their girl

    Ooh, Monty, great question. I eagerly await the answer.

  • Reply March 18, 2010

    Anonymous

    So saw this on twitter….."Does a REAL DS have an all access pass?? Do you? No, so shut the f**k up before I call your a$$ out."

    That right there is a GREAT example of a DS and a whore!!!!!!! We all know who you are and what you are all about!!

  • Reply March 18, 2010

    Anonymous

    All access pass means they are a successful DS.

  • Reply March 18, 2010

    Enquiring Minds

    So do ANY of you people go to the shows to listen to the music or do you go to just bash people?

  • Reply March 19, 2010

    txtrigger

    Hippie T-shirt guy: If you end up with just hippie checks, they will have hippie tits…40long…

  • Reply March 19, 2010

    dtg

    I have a VERY (not really) important question, What do we call the FDSOA (Future diesel sniffers of america)? They need a name too! Yall know, The creepy little 12-18yearold girls That think they're so "cool" because they shoved their way to the front and got to touch the lead singers hand. Yall know who i'm talking about, Or is FDSOA a good enough name? Just wondering………..

  • Reply March 20, 2010

    Resident Asshole

    Hey, why limit these young ladies with the name diesel sniffers? I travel in an old Ford pickup with a gas motor, with my wife, and they aren't limited to "big name, record-label, tour bus having" bands/artists. There are those who will gladly lower their standards to any guy with a guitar. I have learned in my short tenure as an artist that there are equal opportunity sniffers. And no, alot of them don't give one bit of damn about the wives. If they can nail a married artist, that just makes them a bigger badass in their "lifestyle clique".

    "Momma always said sex with a sniffer was like fishing. Never know whatcha gonna catch"-Forest Gump, Feb 2009 at a Stoney Larue show

    As for those who take a running start and push their way to the front of the crowd, hope my wife ain't already there. Yes, when we attend shows of other artists, we stand close to the front. What can I say, I like my music loud and my wife likes to take lots of photographs(she's a great photographer). Now, she ain't one of these lil 98 lb, bleach blonde, sparkly belt, pnia colada sipping chicks who found a RRB cd at Bestbuy and fell in love. She is a hardcore, country born and raised, beer drinking, ass kicking, gun shooting, mud riding redneck chick who will kick your ass over three things: Her man, her kids, and her spot at a show. I have seen it. LOL She has a stare that has made grown ass Man-fans back the hell up. So if ya think that lil spaghetti-thin arm and M&M sized fist ya got is gonna get her to give up her spot for you, ya might wanna make sure your health insurance is up to date.

    And thats all I gotta say bout that.

  • Reply March 31, 2010

    Lorrie from KORA

    "HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! She is RIDICULOUS!!!! She's Hunter's BFF. But it's a tie about who is more entertaining to watch…K or Lorrie from KORA. I mean uh…Lucy Diamond…"

    Alright alright! I'm about to really disappoint a few of you.

    Guys in cowboy hats, starched jeans, and cowboy boots don't get me going! Sorry! If you knew me then you'd know that ACL and SXSW are more my style. I have worked for "KORA" for 2 years and I've been on 1 bus for 20 mins with the most innocent, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't do drugs guitar player in the whole scene… I'd call that an epic fail at diesel sniffing so I do appreciate Rita's blogs helping me out on the proper way to do it! You'd think just being a DJ would get me on the bus but it doesn't… dang it! The whole reason I became a DJ!

    So yes, for all of Rita land… I'm a DJ. a FEMALE DJ on KORA. And yes when I have to drive from the station to pick up the musician from the venue and drive them back we converse. I can tell you all about Aaron Watson and Bruce Robison and how much they adore their kids and love their wives, and I can tell you all about Brandon Rhyder's kids and his wife and how he went on and on about them. etc And I can tell you that I have told them it's REFRESHING to hear how much they love their families because I watch all these asshole musicians cheat or be disrespectful to their wives and girlfriends with all the Diesel Sniffers. Yes I am in the green room sometimes because you become friends with these artists because 1. They want us to play their music, 2. Unlike ridiculous fans I'll ask them about their family vs where they are playing next, or 3. Because I'm a familiar face and my job helps bring people out to hear their music.

    I love how my MALE coworker can party on Kevin Fowler's bus until 4am and no one will say a word to him but I leave the bar before 1am to go home to my dog and I'm the whore? That's hilarious. I've never hooked up with a musician and if anything I'm the one in the green room telling girls "you should leave him alone he's married".

    So yes I have tried to ignore the comments but enough is enough. You don't know me and if you THINK you know me then you don't. If you knew me then you'd know that I'm very vocal about not being able to stand half the music in this industry and that I'm passionate about helping the ones that I think are in it because they love what they do and love playing music. There is a BIG difference between someone saying "I want to be in a band because that will make me cool" and those that play music because they are passionate about it and you can hear that in their music (ie. Sean McConnell etc)

    So keep on with the comments if you have nothing better to do than go to the shows and "watch what I'm doing" instead of listening to the show. You can watch me go in and out of the green room because I have to ask the band what they want me to say before my co-host and I bring them out. You can watch me say hi to other musicians who are at the show because again, some are friends and some want us to play their music.

    It's hard enough being a female in this industry and demanding respect but to have people who think they know me write stuff that is taking that away from me is bullshit. So next time you see me out come and say hi. Follow me on twitter… I'd love that. and yes I wrote about diesel sniffing a few times to make a joke of it because of how absurd being called out was. I love it. And I love Rita. And she really can be a sweetheart.

    -Love-

    Lorrie from KORA

  • Reply March 31, 2010

    Lorrie from KORA

    oh here's my twitter name: lorriemassie :)

  • Reply July 30, 2010

    Anonymous

    So that's What people think ofme when they see my by the van or bus waiting to go home (aka the hotel) with myfiancee after a long boring wait to load their crap up just so I can see my man on a weekend every once in awhile. Let me tell you I have thought about the cancer risk loving a musician soometimes entails but I didn't realize I was at the much more dangerous helm of being called a slut for sacrifficing my weekends etc for my man and the fans who benefit for them. Talk about biting the hand that gives you its ketchup from the table across the room with a smile because yours is empty and makes that farty noise when you squeeze it. :)

    Aaah shucks thanks for noticing me, and I gthought my man got all the glory!! P.s. I'm not the one in the slutty outfit, unless I just happen to feel a little bit frisky that night, and wouldn't you say we're all entitled to a little bit o that sometimes!

  • Reply March 11, 2011

    Dublin blues

    Even somebody little like will Clark green has groupies!! There are two that follow him from Lubbock to wherever he plays !! Atleast that’s what one told me in college station last year! One of them looks like the jolly green giant and the other one looks like a umpa lumpa!!!

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