Rhymes and Vines…Part Two

I can’t believe it has already been over week since Rhymes and Vines! I don’t have the best memory by any means, but here are some of the things that I DO remember from Day Two on the Melody Mountain. (I’m not proof reading this one…please don’t email me and tell me how illiterate I am .)

-I didn’t drink at all, but I still woke up with the worst headache known to man. I blamed it on my allergies and my intense teeth grinding.

-We woke up and we were starving, so we headed into town for breakfast. Unfortunately we picked the crowded place in town, Peacocks. (It being Parent’s Weekend at Tarleton didn’t exactly help the situation.) It seemed like forever, but we finally got to eat. The chocolate chip pancake WAS worth the wait.

-I headed back out to the festival to intro Matt Wayne and Company. It was then I realized that even Matt Wayne’s haircut was so much better than mine. I STILL can’t believe I went in for bangs and a trim and now I’m bald. It taken a massive toll on my already shitty self-esteem.

-In typical fashion, I forgot my packed suitcase back at home so I had to wear the stinky ass-cracky sweaty denim capris that I wore the day before with the Josh Weathers teeshirt I bought. I must have been smoking crack the night before because I bought a medium. Let’s just say…their ain’t a damn thing medium about my boobs. I spent the rest of the day tugging and pulling it down.

-Matt Wayne can sing his ass off. I enjoyed his set.

-Steve Rice from No Justice, who I have really never had an actual conversation over 3 sentences with in my life, came over and sat with me in the back row of chairs where I was hiding. I had no idea what a nut he is! I don’t think I have ever laughed as hard as I did that afternoon just sitting back and shit talking about everyone. He was well over my manewlery limit, but I let it slide because he was damn funny.

-John David Kent played next. His blue eyes are just dreamy. They are so dreamy in fact that I wasn’t focusing on my intro-duties and when I went up to the microphone I completely forgot his name. Yeah, for real.

-Unlike MY shitty short haircut, I like JDK’s shorter ‘do tons better than his longer one.

-Steve Rice introduced me to the magic that is the Korean Horse riding rapper dude. I will never be able to removed this vision from my eyes. Ever.

-Mr. John Hall deserves his own paragraph.

John was a Pee Eye Em Pee! If I could give out a Prom King award for the festival, it would go to Mr. Hall. Mr. Hall was one of the judges for the Homebrew & Wine maker competition He is the man behind Forty Creek Whisky. And get this…John is THE only whiskey maker that is still alive to date. (Yeah, I think they spelled it incorrectly on the label on purpose too.) Mr. Hall was so damned funny! He was such a stage-blitzer…he wouldn’t get OFF the stage. It was hysterical. I think he had a better time than anyone else on the mountain.

-I have never heard of or seen a Davin James show before, but the ladies loved it and he had a really cool shirt.

-William Clark Green has lovely curls. (I don’t see why I can’t make those nice pretty barrel curls like everyone else does! (I think Will’s are natural, but still.I have tried hot rollers, flat irons, cold rollers, a curling wand…you name it, I’ve tried it and it DOES NOT WORK. Even the 2 headed girl on TLC can curl her {their} hair and I can’t! It is my albatross.)

-I was still nursing the super headache so we scooted out for about an hour and a half to just rest and re-powder and take mini ho baths to wash some of the dirt and stank off, so I don’t have anything to add about the Tejas Brothers or the Larry Joe Taylor set. Sorry, I suck.

-We did make it back in time to catch the all-star Rusty Weir tribute sing along. It was pretty much all kinds of awesome. If you watch this sketchy video carefully, you can see Mr. Hall in the denim shirt and leather vest doing the soon to sweep the nation 40 Creek Shuffle dance. I would watch that before I would watch that Korean Pony Trot dance.

-Deryl Dodd–Oh my! Where to begin? Things were low-key most of the entire weekend, but when DD took the stage it suddenly became a cougar-palooza. These broads just showed up outta no where and they were 4 deep on Panty Row. I have always loved Deryl’s live show an he’s just one of those guys that you don’t remember how great his catalogue of songs are until you hear the all played at the same time. He was obviously having a blast but I am not sure if I got panty pudding or douchechills (or both simultaneously) when he ripped open his pearl snap to show the ladies his “guns”…where he wrote something in sharpie up and down them. I think it was something along the lines of “Larry Joe Taylor Kicks Ass” or whatnot.

His set was definitely one of my favorites of the entire weekend.

-Last up was No Justice and I wish I could tell you anything about their show. I was toast. I didn’t sleep well the night before, imagine that, and I was just Dee Oh In Eee. I didn’t want to poop out on the party because my wing woman was knee-deep in Double D wine and 40 Creek and we have all been there when the sober bitch wants to bail. I didn’t wanna be that girl, I HATE that girl.

-I did find time to tell Steve Rice to immediately get rid of this goofy little hat he was wearing because it looked like he got it in the child’s section of Rue 21. I felt like an asshole when he told me that his grandfather left it to him in his will, but quickly got over it when he I realized it got it somewhere in the mall. I am too gullible.

-Two words…WINE SLAP. (Find a tall guy named Kale and ask for details. Hey, that rhymed!)

-Want to know what happens backstage at a festival like this? People get drunk. Snot slinging drunk. Bachelor party drunk. They were all riding the hot mess express.

-In closing, I gotta say…I have been to many music festivals in my time both as a pleeb and as a so called “radio professional” and this festival was by far one of THE if not THE best have ever attended. I am not just saying that to suck ass either. Everything ran like clockwork as far as I could tell. The stage guy, whose name I can’t remember but he was big and bald, took care of business. Homie didn’t play around. There were no shenanigans to be had. If you were to play at 4:00, your first note started at 4:00. Also, the crowd was just chill. With the exception of one wasted Man Fan in a Cowboy’s jersey, everyone was so respectful and there to hear the music. Even at night when things got a little rowdier with Fowler and DDodd, people were all behaving like humans. I am not getting all old and “get outta my yard you dumb kids” on y’all, I am just trying to explain how this crowd is so different from the Larry Joe Taylor festival in the Spring. One atmosphere isn’t better than the other one per say but now a daysthis one was more my speed. I am mature, duh!

-If I could have changed one thing, I would have brought in a least one food vender that sold funnel cakes. (You gotta have a funnel cake!)

I can’t wait for next year!

~Rb

P.S. Mad shout out to Abby with a random E for inviting me. (I can’t believe I just typed out the phrase “mad shout out”.) She was an absolute doll and I am very thankful she asked me to hang for the weekend.