Beware of the Man Fan…

Man+Fan+Pick

The Man Fan

You may be one, you may date one, you may drink the beer one buys you, or you may even hook up and leave the bar with one… but if you go to a show in Texas you are bound to see one. The Man Fan.

The Man Fan isn’t a bad guy, he can normally be lots of fun and can often make the experience much more entertaining …but be careful because his shelf life is very short. He can turn from Good Time Charlie to a Drunk Dickhead in the span of about two songs or one Stoney guitar solo, which usually equals the same amount of time.

There are several things to look for while trying to spot the Man Fan. The first thing to notice is he is going to be wearing a band tee-shirt. It may not be the band you are there to watch, but it will be a band tee-shirt. The older the shirt the better because if he is wearing his “Sideburns Do Rule” West 84 shirt that means he has been a fan “from the beginning”. And we all know how important that is.

Also, watch out because the Man Fan usually travels in packs, is very fast and usually light on his feet. He will knock a chick down to the ground no matter how hot she is if she dares to try to get to the stage before he does. The Man Fan is NOT a gentleman and there really is NO excuse for this type of behavior…actually there is NO excuse for ANY human with a penis to be on Panty Row! Wait, there is ONE reason…to bring girls beer and then get lost. Panty Row is a sacred place, but this never seems to matter to the Man Fan.

The Man Fan is usually the guy with all the money, so standing near or around him isn’t ALWAYS bad because more than likely you can scam a drink or two off of him before he realizes you did it. Although he isn’t very bright, he is very generous and is most likely the guy that is buying the entire band Jagerbombs on his daddy’s credit card. It never occurs to the Man Fan that this is just a big fat giant waste of money because most likely the band has a pretty decent credit at bar or at least 10-15 bottles of liquor at their disposal at any given time. None of this really matters to the Man Fan because there is NOTHING cooler than getting to be THAT guy in the bathroom standing at the piss trough slurring to his buddies…”DUDE, I JUST BOUGHT RANDY FUCKING ROGERS A SHOT.”

The Man Fan will suffer from a disease I like to call Douchebag Turret’s Syndrome. Again, he can’t help it, he’s a Man Fan. This makes him very easy to spot especially at a Bleu Edmondson show because he will be the guy screaming “YOU’RE MY BOY BLEU” at least 14 times. He will laugh every time and it never occurs to him that maybe Bleu has heard that one before. He is also the guy that has to yell “CARNEY MAN” at Cody Canada, yell “EVERCLEAR” at Roger Creager, and yell “BITCH GIVE ME BACK MY RING” at Bart Crow. Please remember, Douchebag Turrets can be highly contagious and can also brainwash an entire venue into believing the artist’s middle name is actually “Fucking”. As soon as he starts to chant “KEVIN FUCKING FOWLER ” it seems to spread throughout the bar like Ebola in an African village.

Again, please don’t think that I am saying the Man Fan is a bad guy, he isn’t…but never forget he CAN be dangerous. If by some chance one of the artist tosses a pick in your direction, watch out! He will not only knock you to the floor, jumping over 10 people to try to get it, but he will usually start a fight with another Man Fan that had the same idea.

About four songs into the show, the Man Fan will suddenly morph into Fred Astaire. Oh yes, he LOVES to dance but there is no way he is going to leave his spot on Panty Row to do so. At this point he will always grab a girl, spin her all around and knock over everyone’s beer in the process. And trust me…you do not want to be that girl! The Man Fan and his expensive custom made ostrich skinned boots have been known to ruin a perfectly good pair of open toed pumps not to mention fuck up a fresh pedicure in a heartbeat.

The Man Fan always has a claim to fame and you will get to hear one of his super stories a time or 7 while you are in line at the merchandise table. This story will usually sound something like this:

“Dude, I smoked pot with Cody Canada on his bus at the Llling Watermelon Thump back in 1994. It was so fucking bad ass man, I smoked pot with Cody Canada on his bus. Yeah man, it was in 1994 at the Lulling Watermelon Thump. In Luling…yeah dude, on his bus. I hope he remembers me, we smoked pot together.”

Please don’t think the Man Fan can ONLY be found at concerts either. He is very much into social networking…he has a Twitter and and Facebook…and he knows how to use them! He is the guy that always writes back to the computer generated concert dates feeds. Example:

Randy Rogers Band:
7 New shows announced!

http://ewurie8w57943223

Man Fan:
Dude, you guys rock. You need to come back to the Lulling Watermelon Thump. I smoked pot there with Cody in my “Sideburns Do Rule” tee shirt in 1994.

Also, he is the first to log onto his Twitter and post….
“I got to talk to Cody Canada tonite! He remembered me from the Luling Watermelon Thump and he signed my “Sideburns Do Rule” tee shirt tonite!”

Just remember people…you have all been warned! Have fun, be safe, enjoy the music…but always a aware of the Man Fan!

Rita B

8 Comments

  • Reply February 22, 2010

    Jeff Dykhuis

    Good stuff, and i am guilty of some of it, i know enough not to yell Carney man at Cody or Boys from Oklahoma. And after a year or two i learned that it isn't actually the band members who update the tour dates so i don't comment on those as much but you never know so i randomly still do it(just kidding). Other than that i have partied with Cody and i did post that i did on Twitter and on my site and i don't feel bad about doing that either, pretty proud of that moment. I have met just about everyone in the current scene and my hero's have NOT turned out to be assholes unlike some of the Nashville "big stars" i have met. Good read, funny stuff, way to keep things in check.

  • Reply February 23, 2010

    Anonymous

    The Man Fan is branching out into other states. I've spotted him as far north as the plains states.

  • Reply February 23, 2010

    Jeff Dykhuis

    They are also showing up in Canada, Germany and Italy as well as France, some of the best red dirt festivals happen over there. Now that i have met almost everyone, its no big deal anymore and i have met much bigger names than the ones in this scene but i love this music, if i didn't i sure would not be doing this, sure ain't no money in it. We may joke about it but for the most part its one big family and the fans are the most passionate and knowledgeable fans around.

  • Reply February 25, 2010

    Anonymous

    Funniest shit I have ever read!!

  • Reply February 26, 2010

    Leslie T Travis

    I wish Man Fan would realize that the artists HATE them yelling their name with "fucking" as the middle name. I have yet to talk with any of them that likes it or wants it to continue. Just sayin…it makes Man Fan look like the guy that just discovered cuss words.

  • Reply March 21, 2010

    Krystal Thomas

    Bahahahahah! That is good shit right there. Rita speaks the truth and I think it's hilarious!

  • Reply April 10, 2010

    Anonymous

    bwahaha I totally forgot about the "sideburns rule" shirt! And yes the man fan has taken over the tx country scene, back in the day at a BEB concert it would be teeny boppers and cougars as far as the eye can see… not its just man fans!

  • Reply March 24, 2011

    Ichabod

    I met a guy at Mardi Gras Texas this past year, 2011, who had a backstage artist pass from two years ago, 2009. He told me he has never played the guitar and would love to learn, he’s 28. I have seen this guy at every concert I have ever been to. He must have an identical twin. He was in College Station the night before then all of a sudden he’s backstage. Did I mention he was the drunkest and most obnoxious? Every description you gave reminds me of this guy. You should have seen Wade stop in his tracks and turn the other way when he saw this guy backstage. Yikes. So who has to entertain this fuck the rest of the night? Me. The bitch-ass guitar tech, (Which is probably only one step up from Man Fan on the list), who only gets to be backstage by an act of God.

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