ACME Official State-of-the-Art Country Music Radio Predictive Song Popularity Quiz

Tweet

I know y’all are gonna jump my shit and call my a hypocrite because of my midday show, but just remember…I am only responsible for programming EIGHT minutes of music a day and I’m busting my ass to shake some stuff up. Baby steps!

I completely STOLE this word for word from one of my FAVORITE websites, a website I visit every day or at least I did before I got the Jay Oh Bee and had to start leaving the house and go out into society again, countrycalifornia.com. It was pretty damned clever, amazingly snarky and I’d go ahead and say accurate.

Are you a current country radio programmer who has just received a new song and don’t know whether it will be popular with your listeners? Let the ACME Official State-of-the-Art Country Music Radio Predictive Song Popularity Quiz do the work for you. Simply answer the questions below and tally your results.

1. If your song is sung by a male, add 10 points.
2. If your song is sung by a female, subtract 10 points.
3. Does your song have an electric guitar? If yes, give it 10 points.
4. Does your song have two electric guitars? If yes, award an additional 10 points.
5. Does your song have three electric guitars? If yes, award an additional 20 points.
6. Does your song mention a banjo? If yes, give it 10 points.
7. Does your song include a musician playing banjo? If yes, subtract 20 points.
8. Does your song include a reference to a country road? If yes, add 10 points.
9. Does your song include a reference to a gravel road? If yes, add 10 points.
10. Does your song include a reference to the backwoods? If yes, add 10 points.
11. If you answered yes to questions 8, 9 and 10, add 10 bonus points.
12. If you answered no to questions 8, 9 and 10, subtract 10 points.
13. If your song mentions a pick-up truck, add 20 points.
14. If your song is played in 3/4 time, subtract 60 points.
15. If your song includes a name-drop of a Country Music Hall of Famer, add 10 points.
16. If that CMHOF member is Johnny Cash, earn 10 bonus points.
17. If your song was penned by the Peach Pickers, add 20 additional points.
18. If your song is sung by an artist wearing skinny jeans, add 15 points.
19. If your song mentions tequila, add 5 points.
20. If your song mentions whiskey, add 10 points.
21. If your song mentions beer, add 15 points.
22. If a girl drinks any of the beverages in questions 19, 20 or 21, add 15 bonus points.
23. If your artist is 25 or under, add 20 points.
24. If your artist is 30 or under, add 10 points.
25. If your artist is 40 or over, subtract 20 points.
26. If your artist is 50 or over, subtract 40 points.
27. If your artist is female and over 40, subtract an additional 40 points.
28. If your song mentions a beach, add 10 points.
29. If that beach is a beach in Mexico, add 5 additional points.
30. If your song has thoughtful, introspective lyrics, subtract 10 points.

SCORING GUIDE

100+ points – Guaranteed #1 smash.
75 – Soccer mom friendly and highly contagious. Destined for Top 20.
50 – Can’t help you. Flip a coin.
25 – Nope. Nada. Zilch.
Zero or below – It might as well be bluegrass.

Click HERE to see the original post and more from C.M. Wilcox

Related posts:

“It Was A Mistake To Release This Song To Radio, Even Just Texas Radio.” Country State of Mind The Original Official Regional Ritaville Music Chart “How Many Country Music Boy Band Guys Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?”